Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, was the original name given by psychiatrist Richard Gardner to a phenomenon that he saw all too often in high-conflict divorce cases.
In the latest diagnostic language, it is described as “estrangement” (a synonym for "alienation”) and is coded under a number of headings in the current DSM5 manual:
309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct
V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem
V61.29 Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed
Psychologists in Australia are hesitant to use 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' as the registration board has taken issue with that terminology, as current nomenclature in the DSM5 and ICD11 handbooks requires different words for the same thing.
What Gardner observed, and what psychologists and counsellors and indeed family court judges around the world continue to observe, is that a child (or children) who had a good relationship with a parent prior to separation came to hate that parent for entirely fictitious reasons. These reasons have everything to do with one parent (in almost all cases the custodial one) engaging in behaviours specifically designed to destroy that child’s relationship with the other parent.
When One Parent Alienates the Other
"Hostile Aggressive Parenting" is a term now coming into vogue for a range of behaviours that are intrinsically harmful to children and tend to damage the targeted parent psychologically. These behaviours commonly include:
Common Tactics
Thus, it often begins with disregarding court orders about the other ("targeted") parent's access to the child(ren), with flimsy or simply made-up excuses.
False allegations of domestic violence and/or child abuse may be used tactically (sometimes on legal advice) to create a status quo that, by the time things land in court a year or two later, judges are loath to modify. This buys the alienating parent time to start bad-mouthing the other parent, convincing the child of the "awful things" they are supposedly guilty of.
As sampled above, there are numerous tactics that can keep a perfectly good parent at bay, and where possible make them look bad in the children's eyes. Unfortunately, systemic factors will make the targeted parent feel helpless and "outgunned."
Children may be removed from school and "home-schooled" so the other parent cannot pick them up as they have in the past. Queensland's Education Department may support this entirely, not even informing the targeted parent of the change until after the fact, then refusing to comply with requests.
Queensland Police will conduct welfare checks at the request of a mother, even in the middle of the night, again on flimsy or trumped-up allegations, and will do so repeatedly even within a few hours of the last "check". Having police constantly checking whilst at the targeted parent's home will make the children suspicious of why that parent needs checking on, or what else they may be up to, and will reinforce the alienating parent's assertions about the poor credibility and character of that parent.
Needless to say, all of this will end up in court if the targeted parent attempts to defend what they see as their parental rights (which, while mentioned in the Constitution are not mentioned in the Family Law Act and are routinely denied by judges).
Some parents choose to walk away, and experience profound guilt and often depression, even though they are protecting their new partner and/or child(ren) from attacks by their ex-partner.
Some choose to fight, and often experience what is now being formulated in some quarters as "legal abuse syndrome," a type of post-traumatic stress associated with drawn-out legal proceedings, especially where one is assumed guilty and there are no consequences for the alienating parent, even when found to be lying. Indeed, where attacks turn to new partners and children, fighting in court may cost the targeted parent a second family. While Legal Abuse Syndrome is not formally recognised and cannot be named as such, recognition of typical responses to severe trauma in the wake of emotionally exhausting litigation (especially where it is vexatious) can be noted.
Fathers in particular are subject to Parental Alienation Syndrome much more so than mothers (although fathers as alienators are not entirely unknown), if only because of the statistical reality that in Australian Courts, the odds are almost 7:1 against them before they file a single thing.
The male suicide rate reflects this statistic, and (while the area is badly under-researched) it is widely held to be a result of precisely such family law and child support issues, which can leave men homeless, broken, childless, with their assets seized following job loss.
With the recognition of Parental Alienation Syndrome under the new official labels, the tide may be starting to turn against alienating parents.
Only a few years ago, a judge gave sole custody1 to a mother who demonstrably waged abusive emotional warfare against the father, to the point where the father was banned from seeing the children by the Court until they were 18, at which time a court-ordered letter from the judge would be given to them to explain the disappearance of their father. However just a few weeks ago, a Brisbane judge, after long litigation, awarded custody to the father when it became clear that the mother had been "poisoning" the children against him.
How a Psychologist can Help
Psychologists can help with this problem at all levels, when they have a nuanced understanding of the phenomenon. There is help for:
Author: Dr Travis Gee, B Psych (Hons), MA (Psych), PhD (Psych).
Dr Travis Gee is a senior psychologist with a wealth of experience in the areas of forensic psychology, family therapy, and counselling for men – particularly divorcing fathers. Dr Gee has worked with many individuals, families and children affected by separation issues, and given presentations on aspects of false allegations related to False Memory Syndrome, an area he specialised in whilst completing his PhD.
Current Availability: Usually within two weeks, earlier if cancellations come up.
Fees: Please use the contact form below to inquire about current fees. Reports and psycho-legal work are billed at higher rates, please inquire with Dr Gee. Medicare rebates available with GP referral on Mental Health Care Plan. Check with your private insurer for coverage for psychological services outside of Medicare.
Appointments: To make an appointment please use the contact form below.
Notes:
1 While the word "custody" has been removedfrom Australian legislation, the word captures what is meant by most people when they use it, and is used here for clarity without having to explain the legalese.
In the latest diagnostic language, it is described as “estrangement” (a synonym for "alienation”) and is coded under a number of headings in the current DSM5 manual:
309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct
V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem
V61.29 Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed
Psychologists in Australia are hesitant to use 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' as the registration board has taken issue with that terminology, as current nomenclature in the DSM5 and ICD11 handbooks requires different words for the same thing.
What Gardner observed, and what psychologists and counsellors and indeed family court judges around the world continue to observe, is that a child (or children) who had a good relationship with a parent prior to separation came to hate that parent for entirely fictitious reasons. These reasons have everything to do with one parent (in almost all cases the custodial one) engaging in behaviours specifically designed to destroy that child’s relationship with the other parent.
When One Parent Alienates the Other
"Hostile Aggressive Parenting" is a term now coming into vogue for a range of behaviours that are intrinsically harmful to children and tend to damage the targeted parent psychologically. These behaviours commonly include:
- Toys or clothing that the child takes from the targeted parent's home back to the alienating parent's home are"lost", and the targeted parent who ceases sending them is made out to be "selfish."
- Rigid inflexibility around schedules (when they are respected at all) means loss of visitation time.
- Telling the child that the targeted parent's friends "are people who hurt children"
- Making Child Protection notifications about the targeted parent's new partner.
- Threatening relatives with being cut off from the children, if they do not support the alienating parent's perjury about the targeted parent in court.
- Telling children they "have a choice" about whether they have to see the targeted parent, even when there are orders to the contrary.
- Standing next to the child during telephone contact and cutting off calls when the targeted parent tries to counter one of the lies that has been told about him (or her).
- The child comes to believe in "borrowed scenarios" where they report on things that the alienating parent has told them, which they could not possibly describe themselves.
- There is no ambivalence in the child about the targeted parent (ie love and affection have been eliminated).
- The child participates in the alienating parent's "campaign of denigration" against the targeted parent.
- Support of the alienator is invariably reflexive.
- Absurd or unrealistic complaints about the targeted parent are made (which may border on the delusional, eg "He is Satan").
Common Tactics
Thus, it often begins with disregarding court orders about the other ("targeted") parent's access to the child(ren), with flimsy or simply made-up excuses.
False allegations of domestic violence and/or child abuse may be used tactically (sometimes on legal advice) to create a status quo that, by the time things land in court a year or two later, judges are loath to modify. This buys the alienating parent time to start bad-mouthing the other parent, convincing the child of the "awful things" they are supposedly guilty of.
As sampled above, there are numerous tactics that can keep a perfectly good parent at bay, and where possible make them look bad in the children's eyes. Unfortunately, systemic factors will make the targeted parent feel helpless and "outgunned."
Children may be removed from school and "home-schooled" so the other parent cannot pick them up as they have in the past. Queensland's Education Department may support this entirely, not even informing the targeted parent of the change until after the fact, then refusing to comply with requests.
Queensland Police will conduct welfare checks at the request of a mother, even in the middle of the night, again on flimsy or trumped-up allegations, and will do so repeatedly even within a few hours of the last "check". Having police constantly checking whilst at the targeted parent's home will make the children suspicious of why that parent needs checking on, or what else they may be up to, and will reinforce the alienating parent's assertions about the poor credibility and character of that parent.
Needless to say, all of this will end up in court if the targeted parent attempts to defend what they see as their parental rights (which, while mentioned in the Constitution are not mentioned in the Family Law Act and are routinely denied by judges).
Some parents choose to walk away, and experience profound guilt and often depression, even though they are protecting their new partner and/or child(ren) from attacks by their ex-partner.
Some choose to fight, and often experience what is now being formulated in some quarters as "legal abuse syndrome," a type of post-traumatic stress associated with drawn-out legal proceedings, especially where one is assumed guilty and there are no consequences for the alienating parent, even when found to be lying. Indeed, where attacks turn to new partners and children, fighting in court may cost the targeted parent a second family. While Legal Abuse Syndrome is not formally recognised and cannot be named as such, recognition of typical responses to severe trauma in the wake of emotionally exhausting litigation (especially where it is vexatious) can be noted.
Fathers in particular are subject to Parental Alienation Syndrome much more so than mothers (although fathers as alienators are not entirely unknown), if only because of the statistical reality that in Australian Courts, the odds are almost 7:1 against them before they file a single thing.
The male suicide rate reflects this statistic, and (while the area is badly under-researched) it is widely held to be a result of precisely such family law and child support issues, which can leave men homeless, broken, childless, with their assets seized following job loss.
With the recognition of Parental Alienation Syndrome under the new official labels, the tide may be starting to turn against alienating parents.
Only a few years ago, a judge gave sole custody1 to a mother who demonstrably waged abusive emotional warfare against the father, to the point where the father was banned from seeing the children by the Court until they were 18, at which time a court-ordered letter from the judge would be given to them to explain the disappearance of their father. However just a few weeks ago, a Brisbane judge, after long litigation, awarded custody to the father when it became clear that the mother had been "poisoning" the children against him.
How a Psychologist can Help
Psychologists can help with this problem at all levels, when they have a nuanced understanding of the phenomenon. There is help for:
- Targeted parents who need help with depression, anxiety, and grief in relation to loss of relationships with children, and generally need urgent assistance to cope with their situation.
- Alienating parents who on honest reflection about the preceding must admit that they are engaging in alienating behaviours, need help with their anger issues and in many cases, underlying personality disorders for which they should be assessed and in treatment, if they wish not to find the swinging pendulum of jurisprudence hitting them hard in court.
- Children, who have been led to believe a web of lies, need a gentle hand in any transitions that may occur as the court process unfolds, so they can come to repair some of the damage.
- Adult children who have lost touch with the targeted parent (especially where that parent has passed away before recognition of the alienation) likely have significant grief and anger issues, and may have broken off contact with an alienating parent who refuses to admit any wrongdoing.
Author: Dr Travis Gee, B Psych (Hons), MA (Psych), PhD (Psych).
Dr Travis Gee is a senior psychologist with a wealth of experience in the areas of forensic psychology, family therapy, and counselling for men – particularly divorcing fathers. Dr Gee has worked with many individuals, families and children affected by separation issues, and given presentations on aspects of false allegations related to False Memory Syndrome, an area he specialised in whilst completing his PhD.
Current Availability: Usually within two weeks, earlier if cancellations come up.
Fees: Please use the contact form below to inquire about current fees. Reports and psycho-legal work are billed at higher rates, please inquire with Dr Gee. Medicare rebates available with GP referral on Mental Health Care Plan. Check with your private insurer for coverage for psychological services outside of Medicare.
Appointments: To make an appointment please use the contact form below.
Notes:
1 While the word "custody" has been removedfrom Australian legislation, the word captures what is meant by most people when they use it, and is used here for clarity without having to explain the legalese.